Showing posts with label mental health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mental health. Show all posts

12 March 2013

it's a cycle

It is funny, looking at my last post in September of last year I realise that I truly do only write when I am either in a depressive episode or manic.  Last posts I wrote I was climbing the mania mountain.  I then got too busy to write LOL  After that episode I leveled out, and have been sitting pretty in a state of 'remission' for a few months.  So, I have been cruising along, living life in real time.

Not getting a lot done, but also not buried under the doona, so that has to be a good thing.  Doesn't it???


11 September 2012

04 June 2012

to medicate or not medicate, that is the question

Well  not really.  I have made the decision to not medicate and see how I go.
I don't expect it to be easy.
It will probably be  a bit messy.
The fact that anti-depressants look like smarties compared to anti-psychotics was a significant factor in this decision.
Also anti-d's can play havoc with bi-polar and cause lots of rapid-cycling.  Having had a long relationship with zoloft (known to increase suicidal tendencies) I am reluctant to do worse.  With this in mind I thought I would let them get out of my system, keep a daily mood diary and see what happens when I am served up a-la-naturale!~
Today, I am on day two of about the 3rd rung of a 10 rung ladder and feeling great.
I know, bit of a difference and I am aware that  I have about 20 blog posts, 12 patterns and a dozen or so letters to the editor in my head atm.
I baked 2 loaves of banana bread, made 2 dozen muffins, sewed, cleaned, made yoghurt, cooked three lunches, saw doc, went shopping and went to vet today.  I am a bit bouncy (not the freezers Jane) and hyperactive too.

I am going to try and document what I feel, think and do, as a record so if you get car sick, I suggest getting of the funny bus :)

  

03 June 2012

wow, just wow AKA bi-polar2 and Kelli nil

Well that was an adventurous couple of weeks.  I should be used to it but I don't think I ever will be.   I expected a bit of a down slide when I went of antidepressants completely but I didn't truly expect it to be happen so fast and so severely.  I really have no recollection beyond last Wed other than what I have written.  My mum is here still and I couldn't really tell you when she got here.
My brain is pretty foggy from FMS at the best of times without assistance from my fucked up mental system LOL
I was prescribed zyprexa by my GP two weeks ago but haven't taken it.  Their were a few reasons for this;
1. It is hard core shit, the pharmacist handed me a 20pg handout of info and told me to get weekly bloods done!
2. GP seemed to think it would level my moods overnight (fuckwit anyone) when even I know it takes a few weeks to kick in.
3. over 25000 people have sued Lily for not disclosing risks associated with the drug that then caused diabetes.  With a waistline like mine who needs the additional help!
4. It is most commonly used for schizophrenia and not depression or bipolar

I have blurred along on Valium when needed and now seem to have come out of what adds up to just over a month of severe depressive episode, self harm and suicide watch.

I have also been re-diagnosed with bi-polar II and this makes a lot of sense.  I have not started medication and won't until I see dr again next week.  This is the part that scares me most.  I mean a diagnosis is freaky but I have suspected this for some time so it didn't come as a shock really.
The meds for this differ so greatly from regular SSRI's with much nastier side effects and that is what totally freaks me out.  I just don't know what to do. The least nasty is lithium and that is nasty enough in it's own right.
Or, I could try and go without anything and see what happens.
I KNOW!!

However, as crazy as it sounds it isn't that crazy really.  I mean, one of the reasons my moods were changing soooo rapidly was because I was on anti-depressants.  This affects the mood swings and causes them to occur more often.  My thinking is that if I stay off all drugs maybe there will be more of an evening out of moods and less roller coaster?

I just wish there were some decent fucking doctors in Tassie who know their shit!  I am seriously considering seeing my old doc in Melb in August for some decent advise.

So, if anyone out there in blogger world cares to offer some advice it is more than welcome :)



26 May 2012

black dogs

A stray one has moved in and unfortunately has the hugest fucking litter of pups.  Please accept my apologies for being absent for a while (apart from pre-written posts).  Need to lose this bloody dog so I can get on with life again.