17 January 2009

Moving on up!

Combining a bit of a rant along with the song for the day. Probably should have played this song four years ago, but hey! better late than never LOL

I am in tears and pissed off with myself for getting to this point. Yup, a fight with the ex. I cannot understand how someone can be content to sit and shrivel up as a human being. There is no pride, no emotion , nothing. At least he will admit he has depression but as per usual blames anything , everything and everyone for his situation. Apparently he has been to see counsellors etc, but "noone can help him". He will not take medication, he will not do anything to help himself. He is content to be a lonely, sad 41yo sitting in a bungalow in his parents back yard. I can not understand how one can live content with this. i know that there is a way out of depression,. I have seen many people do it but I guess you have to want to stop being a victim and I am not sure that will happen.
Today I cry because I see the waste that stands before me, a man who once was a strong, caring, feeling and intelligent human being but is now a shell.

Today I cry because this is the role model my children see

Today I cry becauese this man is my childrens father and I want more for them

Today I cry because I feel nothing for him, the love went some time ago but the anger, frustration, resentment and anything else has gone too. I shake my head and hope in my heart that one day he will wake up before it is too late.

Today I cry.


5 comments:

Spiralmumma said...

I can really, really relate to this post :( It's incomprehensible to me too.

Jack said...

Seeking treatment for mental illness involves admitting that you have a mental illness. That is a hard thing to do. A bit like giving up the cancer sticks - it happens when you are ready to do it.

Kebeni said...

Totally agree with you Jack. However I wish this situation was that easy. He admits he is ill but refuses medication because he is against it and has said it is the world, me and others who have made him like this so only 'we' can fix it.. ie his finance problem would be fixed if I 'gave' him our son to live with him so he could get parenting pension etc etc

I have suffered from depression for 20odd years, but the past 4 I have lived with and managed it successfully, once I made the decision NOT to suffer but to survive!

Cathy said...

Good on you for being such a strong woman.

Keep your son and be the best person that you can be and set him a wonderful example of a lovely, caring Mum who's a survivor.

You can only help those who are willing to help themselves.

Cathy

Char said...

((hugs)) to you... you know how I feel about him! This time next week, you will have space and oxygen to breathe and stretch out. c xx