But as I made
Back at ground level I see the term bandied about too. We tell each other "oh you are such a supermum" but really I think that is just bullshit. I know I am not a super mum. The reason I know this comes from the 'super hero' shows my kids love. They always end with the hero winning, the baddies get their punishment and are finished with (mostly) and the goodies all stick together and love each other and help each other. No-one has a bad word for the hero, the hero is never judged and never judges others. It is such a perfect world where the good overcomes the bad. The superhero is more infallible than the pope!
Being a supe rmum isn't just about your super parenting skills but also about your attitude. You see, I learnt a valuable lesson this week. I do not have mind reading skills!! I know, hard to believe, but it is true. I also cannot see into the past or see into the future.
How do I know this? Well we will have to back track to Monday just gone and because I know none of you can see into the past I will tell a little story;
There was a mum and her eight year old boy. They had been in kmart and coles briefly and he was all fine, no signs of stress or angst. As a reward and treat the mum suggested they get an icecream. After checking with the boy several times that he was sure the one he ordered was what he really wanted (learnt from previous experiences) the mum ordered it and then he changed his mind. He didn't want soft serve, However the girl had already got it so it was too late for him to change his mind. The boy started screaming at the mum,I hate you, I want to kill you, I want to die etc etc at the top of his lungs whilst punching, kicking and pushing the mum who proceeded to walk out. He followed, shrieking by this stage and started beating her on the back and pulling her back into store. He said he would now have a soft serve, but the mum calming explained that this would not be the case, that it was too late and his behaviour left him with no options. He wrestled her for 30 min to the car (2min away), hitting, kicking, pushing, trying to trap her against the railings and threatening to kill himself, her and everyone etc etc and screaming for the icecream. The people watched, some with sympathy, some with no reaction and others with total looks of judgement.The mum and the boy eventually got home, the boy totally traumatised and the mum, well bruised, shaken and traumatised by the event.
Now I know that many of the mums watching would have been thinking at least one of the following:
1. He needs a damn good smack!
2. She needs to control her child!
3. I wonder what she feeds him!
4. Why doesn't she just give him what he wants?
5. He is probably abused and acting out.
6. He is just playing up, he looks normal so nothing wrong with him.
I know this because I have seen similar scenes played out in shopping centres, supermarkets, parks etc and I have thought one or many of the above at times. Not once have I considered any other reasons. I have judged the mum and how she parents. This makes me and everyone else out there (and I reckon I could lay my life down and say EVERYONE) un super mums!
Those observers on Monday, and us observers on any day of the week should be thinking some of the following:
1. Does she need help?
2. Can I help with her bags, trolley, other children?
3. Wow, she is managing that situation really well considering the circumstances
4. I should tell her she is doing well
5. I wonder if the child has a disability like autism/aspergers, even though he looks fine?
How do I have the right to spout on about this? Well I am guilty of judging a tad to hastily, I have checked out a shopping trolley and summised from the food in the trolley that the parent is basically feeding their kid crap and this is their payback.
After Monday I don't think I will act so hastily. I probably will do it again, I am not infallible after all cos I am not a super mum. That mum on Monday was me (got the bruises to prove it too!) and that child was my son.
We are not super mums, we are simply mums. We make mistakes, we fall down, we cry, we react and we make judgements. These judgements are on ourselves as much as on others. How many times have you second guessed yourself or found yourself comparing you and your kids to others?
You know, most people would see my boy out and about and see a quiet, shy and calm boy. If I said he has uncontrollable melt downs and is violent at home I doubt many would believe me and I don't blame them. I see kids out who I know do the same at home but are just gorgeous when they are out. Would I wish my kid was like him if I knew what went on at home? NO and you wouldn't either.
So when you compare your 'monsters' and your 'crap parenting' to those 'perfect' examples you see out and about DON'T!
We all have our monsters at times and we all have infamous crap parenting moments! What Beren did on Monday is a first, he usually reserves such behaviour for the safe and reliable environment at home.
None of us are perfect or super. We just compare and judge too often and end up feeling like shit as a result most of the time. Feel proud that you get through the day to the best of your abilities and that at the end of the day they are sleeping (hopefully) and you get to have a breather! you did good!
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