09 December 2010

Before I had children

I worked for a large airline.  I earned very good money, I worked long hours and often worked overtime.  My partner had a job and worked shit hours and earned very good money.  We pretty much could have done what ever we wanted, but for some reason because we were both pretty crap with money we were still always broke at the end of the pay fortnight!  Looking back I still cannot see where all the money we earned went.  I cringe at the waste and needless spending now. 

I never actually wanted children.  If I was in a shop and heard a baby crying it produced a feeling somewhat similar to the worse case of road rage ever recorded (that is if any one has bothered to do so).  I would leave the shop because it shat me soo much.  Kids on planes, oh boy!!  Luckily I got upgraded to business class most flights I took!!!

Seriously, I had no real time for babies or children.  I wasn't exactly career orientated , I just was not interested.  I had a history of severe depression and anxiety and just didn't need the extra stress.  Plus, I had two step daughters at the time.

So, fast forward to late 2001 and I had a "I want to have your babies moment of insanity!"   I fell pregnant within  two weeks,  WTF!!  Now surely I should have been given a bit of a cooling down period, people try for months, I drank and smoked dope for over a decade diligently ..........  but no!  I was preggers, up the duff, with child, had a bun in the proverbial oven!

Okay, so that is cool.  Pregnancy, sure to be a piece of piss and as for birth well that is sure to be easy too,, what with all the drugs available.

As for once the baby is here, NOT A PROBLEM!!!! 

I will buy disposable nappies all through the pregnancy so I have heaps.  Father says he will not use disposable and that he will take care of all nappy needs.

Mother 0 - Father 1 

Turn the spare room into a nursery and everything will be hunky dory!!  Baby will sleep in there all night and we will all be happy :)   Apparently father co-slept with his first two children and claims we will be doing this again!  Um, hello?????? 

Mother 0 -  Father 1

As for breastfeeding, NO FUCKING WAY!!! how gross can you get!!!   Okay, so baby needs collostrum apparently, who knew!  I agree to feed for first six weeks but that is all! and I want it known that this is under severe protest!

Mother 0  -  Father 1

Soooooooooooo, somewhere during the second trimester I was abducted by 'natural fucking living' aliens and transformed into the earth mother of a nation!  I won't even talk about the pregnancy, needless to say it WAS NOT A PIECE OF PISS!! but that is a whole other story.   By 36 weeks I had my natural, candle enya birth planned.  However the (KN)OB had other ideas, we parted ways on not so friendly terms and I was homeless as it were.  I was too scared to have a home birth but knew I did not what a medicalised birth that was going to happen at the private hospital. 
After many calls I ended up at a local public hospital birth centre.  They were agreeable to my birth plan and we were set.

Hmmm, note to self, CC baby on birth plan!!!!  Beren came along after 4days of labour by emergency c/s.  Not really off to the greatest start. 

Mother's Natural birth 0 - (Kn)OB's Medicalised birth 1

Are you seeing a pattern starting to emerge here??  

Baby and mother home, both cry for first three months pretty much continually.  Baby is cloth nappied, breastfed and co-sleeps.  After six months mother forgets about disposables, nursery and bottles.  Cot?? Yeah, that is where we store the ever growing collection of modern cloth nappies, "have you seen the new erica's oh and those woollen soakers are to die for!!!!!!!!!!

Mother 0 - hippy fucking aliens 1

Fast forward again to now and I have two children who were both breastfed for two years, wore cloth nappies pretty much all the time unless we were interstate and co slept until they were ready to leave the bed.  Actually on that point Nienna still comes into me during the wee hours most nights and Beren starts the night off in my bed before transferring to his.  I would parent no other way and laugh when I look back at what I thought I would do if I had children.  

 Mother 1 - Everyone else 0

You know, everyone is an expert and you can find a book to support your style what ever it is but the most important thing I have learnt is that you should never say never!  Be flexible and change if need be.  What works for you and your baby is the 'right' way!

Written for the motherheart linky, read more awesome posts by clicking the link


Kat said...

ha ha, I could have written this myself, except I did want children, but had never actually as much as held one before I was pregnant.
I was the baby sleeps in other room, disposable nappy,go back to work at 6 weeks planner...Felix's dad was the hippy parent to start with..

I did plan to breast feed but that was about all I started with..

Great post Kel, very funny and painfully true stuff!

Bel said...

Oh, totally me too! I was going to have 2 kids, when I was in my 30s. I had SIX before I turned 30! And I was going to pursue my career and leave Daddy home to care for them. No way. And we were going to live in the city, in a very. nice. home. :) We live on a farm in something in-progress, LOL. I love it when the best laid plans, aren't. ;)

Great post, Kelli!

Cate said...

Awesome post!! I had the world's most wonderful and gorgeous OB, but I still love your (KN)OB reference - hilarious!! xxx

Naomi said...

I totally agree about being flexible - children are constantly changing and so are we as mothers. I had so many wonderful ideas about being a mother that have gone out the window - it is just the way it goes and I love it! thanks for linking up and so glad you have found the 'right way' for you. naomi x