25 November 2010

nurturing the other child

I have another child, yep other than Beren and Nienna there is another little monster in this household.  Actually, she is pretty well behaved but it took her awhile to get to that stage.  You know the one, where you can reason with her, talk with her and well sometimes resort to bribery if the first two fail.

I know this child quite well though and I know how tough it is for her sometimes.  There are days when she wants to run around the house and trash everything and not put it away,  she never wants to do her chores.  Other days she wants to jump up and down, punch walls, scream, yell, swear and cry.  For the most part she never does any of this.  It has taken awhile to get her to behave appropriately.

As tempting as it was I never smacked her, I never did controlled crying and I never abused her.  Five years ago she was out of control, she would tantrum and fight with Beren and Nienna non bloody stop!  And yeah, she started her fair share of fights I tell you!  I must say it was tempting at times to do her in and bury her in the darkness of the back yard, she was a right royal pain in the arse!

However, someone told me it was time to stop and take a look at what was happening.  She simply wanted a little attention.  That was all.  Beren and Nienna got all the attention and I was guilty of child neglect with this wee little one.

After some time, I started to pay attention to her, it didn't come easily as I had ignored her for so long.  But I tried my hardest to really focus on her when she mucked up, to actually ask what was it she needed.  It wasn't that difficult actually!  I was surprised, all she wanted was a little rest time, quiet, time out even.  She wanted to feel loved and to be spoilt occasionally just like the other two were.

Well, hey I thought, I can do that.  Sheesh, the other two get it so why shouldn't she!  And, as the nurturing started and became more regular it became easier.  In fact, I rarely heard from her, except for the occasional reminder.  Which if things get busy and hectic she tends to be the last on the list and she sure as hell reminds me that she is still there.

We all have this extra child lurking.  When ever you are tired and the kids are being feral stop and see how you feel;

*lifes unfair
*why me
*pout
*stomp
*cry
*yell

Am I right?  Well you need to stop and listen to her as she is feeling forgotten.

That inner child inside all of us mothers needs attention too, we need to mother ourselves to be effective mothers.


Don't forget YOU!


more mother heart here

9 comments:

Gifts of Serendipity said...

Terrific advice and something we all could be reminded of regularly.

Thanks for stopping by and leaving your comment on my post. It's fantastic to receive advice from someone who's been there and done that.

Felicity x

ash said...

That is such a wonderful way of looking at it. I definitely have an inner child who gets neglected a lot of the time. I'll need to print your post out and put it on the fridge to remind me to nurture her a bit more!

Jodi Gibson said...

This is just perfect and at such the right time for me. Thank you. I have recently started listening to her and trying to connect and understand her. She is much happier already.

Being Me said...

You're a legend! And you're spot on. Love this post, Kebeni xo

Mummy's Brain said...

I love this, beautiful

juststopspeaking said...

Just so true - beautifully written x

www.juststopspeaking.wordpress.com

Naomi said...

Kebeni - you inner mother heart is shinning strong today - what a super lovely message - you are awesome! I love that you have about how you are feeling deep inside and that you are thinking a little more about taking care of yourself.

You have really touched the hearts of others today and I am so blessed to be able to read your words.

thanks for uplifting me.
Naomi xx

bobby (dRX) said...

Such an awesome, positive, inspiring read :)

Thankyou.

christinemosler said...

I needed to read this! Thank you for reminding me! Lovely post, very glad I popped in.