Have a few things on the go. I packed the FLS as I don't have the patience for it at the moment. Whipped up a cotton top for Nienna, printed a pattern for a dress but didn't really use it just improvised and I am pretty pleased with the result. Doing a scarf in my spare time as I need something mindless to do when watching tv.
Also edging my lizard ridge and hoping to get it blocked before I leave next Saturday so I can gift it to my folks! I hate it BTW. Just not happy with it at all and think I will do one in rows next time rather than the blocks.
Combining a bit of a rant along with the song for the day. Probably should have played this song four years ago, but hey! better late than never LOL
I am in tears and pissed off with myself for getting to this point. Yup, a fight with the ex. I cannot understand how someone can be content to sit and shrivel up as a human being. There is no pride, no emotion , nothing. At least he will admit he has depression but as per usual blames anything , everything and everyone for his situation. Apparently he has been to see counsellors etc, but "noone can help him". He will not take medication, he will not do anything to help himself. He is content to be a lonely, sad 41yo sitting in a bungalow in his parents back yard. I can not understand how one can live content with this. i know that there is a way out of depression,. I have seen many people do it but I guess you have to want to stop being a victim and I am not sure that will happen. Today I cry because I see the waste that stands before me, a man who once was a strong, caring, feeling and intelligent human being but is now a shell.
Today I cry because this is the role model my children see
Today I cry becauese this man is my childrens father and I want more for them
Today I cry because I feel nothing for him, the love went some time ago but the anger, frustration, resentment and anything else has gone too. I shake my head and hope in my heart that one day he will wake up before it is too late.
This time next week all this will be gone! Yup, one week until the removalists come. Gosh that has gone super fast. Thank god I have been doing a little packing everyday cos I would be in deep shit now if I hadn't made a start! The spare room is cleaned and filling up with packed stuff as you can see in the first 2 pics. Kids room is cleaned, empty and closed! My room (3rd pic) is almost done and tomorrow i hope to get it emptied and cleaned and I will camp in the lounge. That is after I move and pack most of the lounge stuff you can see in the last pic. All behind the bookcase is boxes of, well, mostly books. Nine sleeps until we go and I am getting really excited at the prospect of a fresh start. Today I changed my uni enrollments from social science to arts so I could choose the following subjects: Psychology, sociology, The Geography of Global Change and Space place and nature. The latter two are talking about the environment, food security and peoples actions which lead towards Social Ecology which interests me greatly.
I am currently reading a book called The Birth House, by Ami McKay. Awesome book and I am thoroughly enjoying it. This is a short quote in the book that really stood out to me so I thought I would share it:
"I ask myself, is it just a wild flight of imagination to conceive of a world without war.........but someone must try....." Julia Grace Wales
Thinking lately about friends and how they come and go in our lives. I truly believe that we meet people as we are meant to. Some people come into our lives and stay for a lifetime and others pass through but I think they all come for a reason. Whether it be to learn from us or to teach us, cheer us, love us, challenge us or simply provide for us. I have been hurt and hated as a result but you know, I can't honestly say I wish that person hadn't come into my life as I have generally gained from the experience in a positive way too. I was once in an abusive relationship (physically and emotionally) but I sure as hell learnt alot from that and I know it would never happen again and I gained strength I never knew I had. Likewise, if I could erase my marriage from history I wouldn't because if I hadn't met and stayed with him I wouldn't have my two kids. Now I never thought parenting was for me but I wouldn't swap them for the world! Their father obviously came (literally LOL) into my life to provide my children. As I contemplate leaving Melbourne I have been reflecting on the people I have met and what I have learnt from them and am grateful for all the beautiful people I have met, loved and been loved by. I wonder what legacies I will leave and I hope that in turn I have provided something positive in their lives. I certainly hope the dear friends I have made are for a long journey and instead of the usual cursing of my bloody computer is put aside to say thanks to modern technology for enabling us to continue our relationships online. Oh boy, I am feeling a bit philosphical today I think. Will end with a song I am listening to at the moment
I wrote this the other night well at 2am . I saw an old man at the servo last week and watch him chewing his gums and just staring off into the distance and it prompted this , WDYT?
MEMORIES Old men chew gums and gaze into their memories like newsreel picture shows.
Memories of brill cream and coffee stained ankles
Flirtation flicks of the skirt And goodbyes that tear the heart in two. Young men, heroes before their time. Brothers, sons Friends and lovers Aged like cheap wine in flasks Too fast, too early. Memories bitter to taste, yet sweet enough to try.
Flirtatious ankles, wedding bells, young laughter. A lifetime flashes by like scented gum leaves on a Sunday drive. Mother pours while father kicks the tyres Inhaling the warm air and chewing his gums.
Went to Sth Gippsland for two days to say goodbye to my beautiful, dear friend Sharon. I shall miss her greatly but at least we have modern technology to keep in touch. She has a gorgeous little farm with some new inhabitants.
We met Shawn the Sheep!
Picked some weird red and white striped beetroot
Milked a goat
and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves, despite the shocking heat today and subsequent sunburn!
My kids are home with me (for 3 days anyway). Today we went out for lunch and bought a new battery for Berens santa gift watch then we went to see Bolt! Surprisingly quite good and lots of laughs, kids loved it. My lovely boy child is more than content with one photo unlike someone else.....
Girl child insisted on wearing a white shirt today because she wanted to look like a doctor LOL I think more like Audrey Hepburn playing a doctor. Oh, and she isn't a poser at all LMAO!!
Well, after much putting off I went and had a thorough eye exam today. I haven't worn glasses for over a year I guess as the ones I had were stuffed. by the end of the day I am usually struggling to focus and at the best of times I have trouble focussing on small things and things like street signs until I am right up at them. It would seem that my right eye is the culprit and is in need of some severe fine tuning. The left is pretty much okay, just needs a mild tweak. So come next Wednesday I am going to be seeing again YAY!!
I also bought a new phone today as the one I had died and the one I borrowed from Char wouldn't send text and also had a battery on the way out. I took advantage of some cheapies and got a new one for $59 that also stores music so is a double bonus! Nothing flash although it is a 3g and apparently I can watch foxtel and the net on it, but far out who wants to do that on a phone FFS! I pretty much send text and that is it, with the very occasional call. I spend $15 every two months for a prepaid and really only have it because I have kids. Have done some more packing and the spare room is all done and my bedroom will be tomorrow once the ebay person comes to collect the bed. Only 20 days til we leave. It is drawing near! WOOHOO!!!
Missing the kids heaps atm, this is the first time i have been apart from them for more than 2 days and it is tough. They come home on Monday for 3 days and I can't wait. I figure it is only fair they get to spend a substantial amount of time with their dad before we go.
I have applied for a house in Tassie and am now waiting to hear back. Fingers cross I get it as I hate house hunting.
I love pretty much everything that Jethro Tull has done but whilst listening to them this morning this song really stood out so I thought I would make it the first song for the year. It just seems to be a bit of an anthem today :)
A few changes to the blog. I decided a few weeks ago to change the window from broken to foggy but when I just logged in I thought, WTF!!! I want to see a clear few, so I am cleaning the window and will be Looking Out at My Bright Future! Much more positive I think and less dark. I feel really positive about this year already!